Questing for Intimacy...Outside of Marriage

In Genesis we read God pronouncing that it is not good for man (a human) to be alone. Scripture also tells us that if we seek God's kingdom first, he will add to us all we need. Assuming this is true, and one is single, how does God go about meeting our need for intimacy, or "non-aloneness", outside of marriage? "Through relationship with others." is the simple answer. There's a lot of instruction in the bible about how to treat one another well; how to love well. Beyond laws that govern societal behavior, I believe God wants us to treat one another in loving ways for another reason - to ease the aloneness of one another. There will always be those among us who are not married. Even so, God does not want them to be alone, "It is not good..." So how does a single Christian alleviate their sense of aloneness? If they are primarily seeking God's kingdom, how does God meet their need for intimacy? Let's examine a few answers I've heard over the years.

In small groups. Truly in a healthy small group one has opportunity to experience biblical community. Small group involvement can help alleviate a sense of aloneness in a corporate way. But was corporate relating what God was referring to when he said it was not good for man to be alone?

Through friends. We all enjoy the friends God has brought into our life. Some of them are good friends. Some are close friends. A few we may consider intimate friends. With an intimate friend we have opportunity to make our self vulnerable, and be known in ways much closer to what I believe God intended in his pronouncement "It is not good for man to be alone..."

This begs the question (at least in my mind) "Can a single man and a single woman be intimate friends, without romantic involvement, and thus still meet the need for intimacy in one another?"

I think it depends on the man and woman. I've known those who have tried and failed. One or the other became interested romantically in the other, but with no reciprocation. Eventually the relationship became painful to the otherwise interested one, and they were no longer willing to be friends, much to the chagrin of the friend.

However lofty it may seem for a man and woman to be friends and nothing else, I believe it is entirely possible, and even a healthy pursuit. Yes it takes maturity on both parties part, and lots of communication and fortitude. Of all places to work out such a thing, the community of faith, or the Church should be that place. With biblical instruction, and encouragement from those mature in faith and willing to mentor, nonromantic male/female relationships can be very fulfilling, even if they are challenging. I truly believe that men have much to learn from women, and women from men. I believe the complementarity that can be enjoyed, one gender to another, is mutually beneficial.

Furthermore, I believe the world is eager to see the Church model such relating, for it has rarely been seen, much less experienced. For a man and woman to relate to each other in a healthy intimate way, without emotional dependence, without objectification, without secret expectation, has yet to be seen by many, even in the church. Additionally, could we be missing God's efforts to meet our needs because we are not mature enough or brave enough to have close intimate friends with the opposite gender?

The dialog will be ongoing, but the subject does deserve open discussion. I myself am looking for those brave souls willing to risk the journey. Many who are perhaps still fearful and unsure are looking for the answers.