In Genesis we read God pronouncing that it is not good for man (a human) to be alone. Scripture also tells us that if we seek God's kingdom first, he will add to us all we need. Assuming this is true, and one is single, how does God go about meeting our need for intimacy, or "non-aloneness", outside of marriage? "Through relationship with others." is the simple answer. There's a lot of instruction in the bible about how to treat one another well; how to love well. Beyond laws that govern societal behavior, I believe God wants us to treat one another in loving ways for another reason - to ease the aloneness of one another. There will always be those among us who are not married. Even so, God does not want them to be alone, "It is not good..." So how does a single Christian alleviate their sense of aloneness? If they are primarily seeking God's kingdom, how does God meet their need for intimacy? Let's examine a few answers I've heard over the years.
In small groups. Truly in a healthy small group one has opportunity to experience biblical community. Small group involvement can help alleviate a sense of aloneness in a corporate way. But was corporate relating what God was referring to when he said it was not good for man to be alone?
Through friends. We all enjoy the friends God has brought into our life. Some of them are good friends. Some are close friends. A few we may consider intimate friends. With an intimate friend we have opportunity to make our self vulnerable, and be known in ways much closer to what I believe God intended in his pronouncement "It is not good for man to be alone..."
This begs the question (at least in my mind) "Can a single man and a single woman be intimate friends, without romantic involvement, and thus still meet the need for intimacy in one another?"
I think it depends on the man and woman. I've known those who have tried and failed. One or the other became interested romantically in the other, but with no reciprocation. Eventually the relationship became painful to the otherwise interested one, and they were no longer willing to be friends, much to the chagrin of the friend.
However lofty it may seem for a man and woman to be friends and nothing else, I believe it is entirely possible, and even a healthy pursuit. Yes it takes maturity on both parties part, and lots of communication and fortitude. Of all places to work out such a thing, the community of faith, or the Church should be that place. With biblical instruction, and encouragement from those mature in faith and willing to mentor, nonromantic male/female relationships can be very fulfilling, even if they are challenging. I truly believe that men have much to learn from women, and women from men. I believe the complementarity that can be enjoyed, one gender to another, is mutually beneficial.
Furthermore, I believe the world is eager to see the Church model such relating, for it has rarely been seen, much less experienced. For a man and woman to relate to each other in a healthy intimate way, without emotional dependence, without objectification, without secret expectation, has yet to be seen by many, even in the church. Additionally, could we be missing God's efforts to meet our needs because we are not mature enough or brave enough to have close intimate friends with the opposite gender?
The dialog will be ongoing, but the subject does deserve open discussion. I myself am looking for those brave souls willing to risk the journey. Many who are perhaps still fearful and unsure are looking for the answers.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Brothers (and sisters) In Arms
Some song lyrics challenge me; some connect me to emotions I previously didn't have vocabulary for; some evoke a memory of times past.
These lyrics remind me of those I've done christian ministry with...to borrow a phrase from another...wounded healers:
Through these fields of destruction
Baptisms of fire
I've watched all your suffering
As the battles raged higher
And though they did hurt me so bad
In the fear and alarm
You did not desert me
My brothers in arms
-by Mark Knopfler From Dire Straits 1985 album 'Brothers in Arms'
Some who dared such feats of ministering to a broken world sometimes came away from the field of battle wounded ourselves, only to find that the unit we fought with had no MASH unit. For others of us, serving on such fields only served to remind us of the wounds that had never healed in us in the first place from when we ourselves had previously dwelt in similar desolate places. Some of us found solace in the arms of a committed lover. Some of us returned to former addictions that had bound us long ago. Some of us have no peace to this day, and we wander this world seemingly all alone in battles we are convinced no one else could understand.
I pray for myself and all of you that we would know the healer. He is the same who called us into battle to begin with. The battle still rages higher, and though we still be hurt so badly, 'there is a banqueting table the Father and his Son have prepared'. I will count it a privilege to dine with you there, along with those whom have been invited by us, 'both good and evil'.
As Knopfler writes further:
Some day you'll return to
Your valleys and your farms
And you'll no longer burn
To be brothers in arms
See you at the table.
David
These lyrics remind me of those I've done christian ministry with...to borrow a phrase from another...wounded healers:
Through these fields of destruction
Baptisms of fire
I've watched all your suffering
As the battles raged higher
And though they did hurt me so bad
In the fear and alarm
You did not desert me
My brothers in arms
-by Mark Knopfler From Dire Straits 1985 album 'Brothers in Arms'
Some who dared such feats of ministering to a broken world sometimes came away from the field of battle wounded ourselves, only to find that the unit we fought with had no MASH unit. For others of us, serving on such fields only served to remind us of the wounds that had never healed in us in the first place from when we ourselves had previously dwelt in similar desolate places. Some of us found solace in the arms of a committed lover. Some of us returned to former addictions that had bound us long ago. Some of us have no peace to this day, and we wander this world seemingly all alone in battles we are convinced no one else could understand.
I pray for myself and all of you that we would know the healer. He is the same who called us into battle to begin with. The battle still rages higher, and though we still be hurt so badly, 'there is a banqueting table the Father and his Son have prepared'. I will count it a privilege to dine with you there, along with those whom have been invited by us, 'both good and evil'.
As Knopfler writes further:
Some day you'll return to
Your valleys and your farms
And you'll no longer burn
To be brothers in arms
See you at the table.
David
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Back to Noah...
According to the bible, all of us descend from Noah and his sons. There were many before Noah, but all perished in the Great Flood. It has always fascinated me that all cultures trace back to Noah, this great figure in Jewish/Christian scripture. All cultures spread out from Mount Ararat, where Noah's ark settled as the flood waters descended.
Therefore my fascination has to do with how Noah's descendants spread out from the ark's resting place, the settling of those regions, and how, by the time of Abram, the knowledge of the Creator God, the one true God described in the Hebrew scriptures, the God of Noah, had fallen to the place of myth, legend, and folk lore.
So all of the ancient cultures, Babylonian, Persian, Greek, Armenian, Chaldean, Egyptian, etc. and their religion, beliefs, practices, societies, art, architecture, economies, agriculture, governments, armies, trading, and history give me clues regarding their origins. And knowledge of them helps contextualize my reading of the scriptures that refer to these cultures, religions, nations, and armies that touched the Hebrew nation in one way or another. With my perspective adjusted on these cultures referred to in my bible I sometimes can read the inferences previously missed.
Currently I am reading Michael Grant's The Ancient Mediterranean 2002, History Book Club. I recommend it as it has served to expand my knowledge of the cultural influences upon the region.
Therefore my fascination has to do with how Noah's descendants spread out from the ark's resting place, the settling of those regions, and how, by the time of Abram, the knowledge of the Creator God, the one true God described in the Hebrew scriptures, the God of Noah, had fallen to the place of myth, legend, and folk lore.
So all of the ancient cultures, Babylonian, Persian, Greek, Armenian, Chaldean, Egyptian, etc. and their religion, beliefs, practices, societies, art, architecture, economies, agriculture, governments, armies, trading, and history give me clues regarding their origins. And knowledge of them helps contextualize my reading of the scriptures that refer to these cultures, religions, nations, and armies that touched the Hebrew nation in one way or another. With my perspective adjusted on these cultures referred to in my bible I sometimes can read the inferences previously missed.
Currently I am reading Michael Grant's The Ancient Mediterranean 2002, History Book Club. I recommend it as it has served to expand my knowledge of the cultural influences upon the region.
Healthy Distraction
For me it has always been healthy to have a distraction, hobby, pursuit that when occupied with it completely takes all of my concentration, and therefore takes my thinking away from all other items.
Many know that I love shooting guns and hunting. Though related, those are not the distraction I'm referring to. Actually the distraction is...reloading.
Reloading is the practice of cartridge assembly, either of rifle and pistol cartridges, or of shotshells.
The simplified process is
The apparent reason for reloading is economy. Reloaded cartridges can be much less expensive than buying factory loaded ammunition from the likes of Winchester, Remington, Federal, etc. But there are many additional benefits derived from reloading.
There are many different bullets available for each caliber. One can therefore choose the bullet's weight and profile for each shooting scenario. The target shooter, the hunter, and the S.W.A.T shooter each have different uses for their bullet, though the caliber they use may be the same.
Additionally, each rifle will prefer a different bullet weight and profile and velocity to achieve optimal accuracy. Because of the differences between one gun manufacturer and another, as well as different barrel lengths and rifling techniques, and even small variables in the manufacturing process itself, each gun will prefer one load over another. Reloading affords the shooter the opportunity to "tune" his load to the individual rifle.
Detailed records of various loads can be kept in order to document each of their performance in a particular firearm.
Example:
My Marlin 1894 is chambered in .44 Magnum with a 20" barrel. I recently developed a load for a gas checked hard cast lead bullet weighing 265 grains that has a wide flat nose (WFN). So I assemble different cartridges with everything the same except powder charges. I test each for velocity and accuracy at 100 yards, as well as record pressure. All of this info is recorded in a spreadsheet. The optimal load for this bullet in this gun ends up being 24.4 grains of H-110 powder for a muzzle velocity of 1820 fps and accuracy at 100 yards of a 1.65" group size (3 shots).
The process is repeated for each bullet I want to try in .44 Magnum, and any other gun shooting the same. Multiply that times the number of calibers I'm reloading for. As you can see, there's a lot of experimentation and record keeping, all in the quest for accuracy and terminal performance.
I'll write more on specific loads I'm developing, but let this serve as an overview of what I mean if you see me write on "reloading".
Many know that I love shooting guns and hunting. Though related, those are not the distraction I'm referring to. Actually the distraction is...reloading.
Reloading is the practice of cartridge assembly, either of rifle and pistol cartridges, or of shotshells.
The simplified process is
- removal of (decapping) the spent primer
- resizing of the brass case
- seating a new primer in the primer pocket
- placing a charge of gunpowder in the brass case
- seating a new bullet in the brass case
- crimping the bullet in place
The apparent reason for reloading is economy. Reloaded cartridges can be much less expensive than buying factory loaded ammunition from the likes of Winchester, Remington, Federal, etc. But there are many additional benefits derived from reloading.
There are many different bullets available for each caliber. One can therefore choose the bullet's weight and profile for each shooting scenario. The target shooter, the hunter, and the S.W.A.T shooter each have different uses for their bullet, though the caliber they use may be the same.
Additionally, each rifle will prefer a different bullet weight and profile and velocity to achieve optimal accuracy. Because of the differences between one gun manufacturer and another, as well as different barrel lengths and rifling techniques, and even small variables in the manufacturing process itself, each gun will prefer one load over another. Reloading affords the shooter the opportunity to "tune" his load to the individual rifle.
Detailed records of various loads can be kept in order to document each of their performance in a particular firearm.
Example:
My Marlin 1894 is chambered in .44 Magnum with a 20" barrel. I recently developed a load for a gas checked hard cast lead bullet weighing 265 grains that has a wide flat nose (WFN). So I assemble different cartridges with everything the same except powder charges. I test each for velocity and accuracy at 100 yards, as well as record pressure. All of this info is recorded in a spreadsheet. The optimal load for this bullet in this gun ends up being 24.4 grains of H-110 powder for a muzzle velocity of 1820 fps and accuracy at 100 yards of a 1.65" group size (3 shots).
The process is repeated for each bullet I want to try in .44 Magnum, and any other gun shooting the same. Multiply that times the number of calibers I'm reloading for. As you can see, there's a lot of experimentation and record keeping, all in the quest for accuracy and terminal performance.
I'll write more on specific loads I'm developing, but let this serve as an overview of what I mean if you see me write on "reloading".
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